Life's Inevitable...

"Hello, my name is Nicole and I want to be vulnerable & sincere; to live life to the fullest while I am here; to be in the moment & intentional while being authentic, raw & real."

I wrote those words in my journal this morning after a rich devotional & quiet time with the Lord, and after processing a short video I had just watched. In the video, the curator said we are not special, we are unique in that we will all go through pain because that is life; it is just a matter of when, not if, and in what form (i.e. death, disease, divorce, dealing with a loved one's addiction, etc.). How we deal and respond to that pain, however, varies from person to person and is determined by our unique makeup & wiring.

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." I want to walk out Mark Twain's directive because his wise words feel 'safe' & courageous; like a shield against all the negative life throws at us. Unfortunately, this 'utopic' perspective is not conducive to growth. For it is in and through pain & loss that we gain the ability to recognize and experience pleasure & love. Both sides of the coin are inevitable in life and it takes both for true growth & evolution to occur.

When I was learning to snow ski, I remember hearing "If you're not falling down, you're not learning to ski." How true! The same could be said for life. It is through the bumps & bruises, aches & pains, sweat & tears, struggle & effort that an athlete develops strength & muscle memory, children are born, butterflies emerge from the cocoon, and a seedling sprouts up through the dirt to bloom. 

Nature's truest example of beauty out of the muck is the lotus flower. After blooming from muddy & cloudy water, the flower emerges beautifully pristine. It is often what we learn in the process of walking out the pain & darkness of life that brings the beauty & light. 

Knowing life & death are inevitable, rather than burying our head in the sand or running for the hills in avoidance, imagine if we instead embraced acceptance of that which we cannot control or change? What if we asked ourselves what could be learned during the process, in the meantime, and in the midst? In typing those words, the Serenity Prayer comes to mind..."Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Think how the learning curve could be shortened and 're-do's' skipped because, as I have learned and experienced, we continue to get 'the lesson' until we pass 'the test.'

We never 'arrive' in & on this journey called life. There is evolution in intentionally showing up, being present and embracing, per se, the unexpected & the often-desired avoidable. Sorrow & loss are as much a part of life's mosaic as are joy & gain. Growth never - if rarely - happens in the status quo. It is when we can release our grip of resistance & control that resilience & compassion emerge. 

I received a beautiful, colorful birthday bouquet of flowers today from a dear, lifelong friend. This sweet surprise brought an unexpected burst of joy to my heart and smile to my face. I know in a couple days the flowers will die. That is a fact I cannot avoid, deny or change, however, what will remain is the memory of her kind & thoughtful gesture, and the joy I received while the blooms were alive & fragrant. Polar opposites yet one does not exist without the other. So, lean into the pain and embrace the unknown, the unfolded and the unwritten of what is unseen and is to come. It is here, in this space of grace, grit & uncertainty, of pressing in but not being shaken by the uncomfortable & inevitable ups & downs of this roller coaster ride we call life, that we are truly alive and true transformation takes place.   

 

Masks...

For the past couple of months, masks have been and are being worn as a preventive measure against the spread of the coronavirus. They especially keep healthcare workers, front line workers and those with compromised immune systems as well as the general public safer and the spread of the contagious disease to a minimum.

However, it hit me the other day, long before the world-wide pandemic became an everyday topic, many of us were already wearing figurative masks. 'Masks' to help us feel as if we are enough but in reality provide nothing more than a false sense of confidence & security and are just safety & defensive measures; airs we don to hide our guilt, shame, insecurities, lack, deficiencies, past & failures. Because, we fear, if people saw the 'real' us - flaws, failures & all - they might not like what they see. We deem it best and 'safer' to keep up the impression & appearance that we have it all together...at least while we are in public.

I believe this is the appeal of masquerade balls, when & where we can take on a persona different than our own, real selves. If just for a short time, we have an air of mystery and can be someone other than our true selves.

Superheroes wear masks to hide and keep secret their real identities. Isn't this what we do everyday, trying to be the perfect...parent, spouse, employee, boss, son or daughter, friend, etc. After a while, however, the mask originally worn for 'protection' becomes cumbersome and uncomfortable; heavy with the weight of keeping up the façade, day in and day out. 

What if, however, we take off our mask and take a long, honest look in the mirror and accepted our perceived 'imperfections' as our superpowers rather than faults? By doing so, we allow, encourage & inspire others that it is okay to take off their masks, per se, as well to reveal, show & share their true identity, in all of its natural beauty & grace; flaws, scars & all.

So, be careful which 'mask' you put on & wear in public. The world needs the real you to shine forth & through.

Candles...

How do you reconcile when the candles that are (supposed to be) on your cake do not match the number you feel in your head, your heart, and/or how you feel in your skin?

Age is an odd thing...

In your youth, you have metabolism & wrinkle-free skin on your side. With age come wisdom & wrinkles along with experience & life lessons gained easily and through trials.

Yesterday, I had an AMAZING birthday. I would even say it was in my top four best birthdays of all time. Due to COVID-19, we all have had to adapt, adjust & redefine our 'norm.' I did not lower my expectations for my birthday observance this year, I just changed them...and that flexible pivot allowed my heart to be open & soar, basking in the beautiful unfolding that happened throughout the day. I was showered with an outpouring of love, generosity and celebration. I was engulfed by a sense of contentment, peace & joy that was overwhelming, hard to explain, and frankly took me by surprise; like the heartfelt glee & wonder watching a butterfly fly and then gently land. I was intentional and in the moment with the people I was 'with,' whether it was virtual or socially distant. I felt a chapter close and a new one open, waiting to be discovered & written.

Next year brings with it a candle that signifies a major milestone birthday for me. I am not going to be anxious or fret when that one little candle is added. Throughout the past couple of weeks, my perspective has shifted, per se, and allowed healing, love, hope, peace & joy to take up residence in my heart. It is as if all the seeds that have been planted throughout the years are finally starting to bloom. As a result, I am excited for the upcoming year and believe it will be my best one yet. After all, a candle is just a candle.     

Expectations...

While Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Mexican Army's victory over French forces at the Battle of Puebla, it also is the day on which my birthday countdown commences. To celebrate, I had tacos for dinner. I read rave reviews about the restaurant I bought my takeout from and the tacos looked yummy (see left) so I had expectations that they would indeed be good and worth my money. I was not let down; they were delicious.

Now, expectations for my birthday this year are a little different. In light of coronavirus, COVID-19, social distancing and sheltering at home, my birthday - as that of countless others - is going to look quite a bit different than it has in years past.

I was talking with my best friend today and told her that I was not lowering my expectations for my special day because, to me, that has a taste of defeat. I told her, instead, I have changed them. As soon as those words flowed from my lips, I realized their weight and a meaning that goes beyond my birthday. 

Like many, my expectations regarding the future have changed. Our 'normal' has changed but what if, as Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church asked in a recent message, our 'normal' really wasn't normal but just familiar? "Things that make you go, hmmm..." (Cue C+C Music Factory's hit from the early 90's...sorry, I couldn't resist!)

God & I have been doing A LOT of work these past eight weeks. Walls & expectations have fallen, per se, like the giant Goliath in the Bible. I have pivoted from pain to purpose, hurt to healing, (perceived) rejection to redirection, grief to growth...and loss to love. God's love has permeated my heart, soul, mind and being to the point my expectations have changed from my ways, wishes & timeline to His ways, purpose & timing. We will emerge from this unprecedented time and we'll be okay,  however, the 'norm' we once knew no longer exists and the expectations once held so tightly have dissolved...which is not necessarily a bad thing. 

When faced with disappointment & outcomes other than what we would have liked, chosen, planned or anticipated, we are faced with a choice: we either lower our expectations to avoid further discomfort and pain, sometimes becoming bitter in the meantime...or we pivot and change our expectations, becoming optimistic & hopeful in the process. I know that is easier said than done, especially when expectations for milestones from graduations to weddings have been turned upside down, however, with changed expectations come new hopes, dreams, open doors, perspectives. Surrender blossoms in the place of control, peace takes root where anger had a foothold, and love emerges from a place where fear once reigned. Going forward, my expectations have changed and I could not be more excited for what lies ahead! Pivot or lower, now that is the question! 

Stay safe & Happy Cinco de Mayo...let the birthday countdown begin!