They say hindsight is 20/20 and I couldn't agree more. Because one never knows how long we have on this earth, I'm writing this to you at what I hope will be the halfway point in and of our lives. In sharing and imparting some words of wisdom and hard taught lessons, I hope I'll be able to spare us some heartache and misguided journeys.
Harness and pay attention to the creativity you exhibit in your early years. Recognize your love for writing because you'll tap into that passion many years in the future. Remember - you have a voice, your thoughts are valid, and you have a perspective that needs to be shared with the world. Speaking of writing, make the edits and submit your revised essay for the writing contest your Senior year of high school! And, don't disregard playing businesswoman and teacher; when you're trying to figure out "what you want to be when you grow up" many times throughout the course of your life and career, you'll remember those moments and they will serve you well, guiding you like the North Star.
On the topic of careers, do not compare your inside or your chapter one to someone's outside or chapter twenty - in business, career, or even relationships for that matter. Your purpose and calling are still evolving and unfolding. You've learned a lot along the way, made many mistakes but gleaned some valuable lessons, such as your strengths, passions and what drives you. While you may still have some confusion as to what your second act will look like exactly, you know what you do not want to do with and in life and that, my friend, is half the battle. Enjoy the process, enjoy the journey, and bring value to the world & the lives you touch. Do that and you will be successful & fulfilled.
You are more insightful than you realize. When you recognized and shared with your mom that you thought your parents should get a divorce, you realized, recognized, and learned that not all relationships are meant to last. While you were one of the few kids you knew who came from a divorced home back then, this gave you a strength and resilience you didn't realize at the time. When you felt different and like you stuck out when you wanted to blend in, take comfort in the fact that different is not wrong; different is just different. Families come in different forms and you were loved beyond measure and that's all that matters.
Be brave in the face of 'that bully' and don't be afraid to walk home. It all turns out okay because bullies appear bigger than they are until you call their bluff...and remember hurt people hurt.
Which leads me to some pivotal hurts along the way. You'll remember those moments in vivid detail but remember, you did the right thing. You learned to befriend the 'outcasts' and what it felt like to be one...and you'll be better for it. Hurt people hurt and it is better to forgive than to throw the first punch. (And kids will be kids...especially at that age, no one wants to be left out so most are just following the crowd. This will be one of your first lessons in learning to turn the other cheek, despite how much it will hurt at the time. Chalk it up to building resilience, grit, and a c'est la vie thick skin perspective.)
When faced with the decision of door one or door two, choose door one. The damage will have already been done at that point but you won't second guess yourself when it comes to making decisions going forward.
You won't realize the magnitude of being the only girl playing kickball but this will be the first of many times when you exhibit your unique strength, which leads me to picking out your varsity jacket and those particular glasses frames - follow your gut, go with what you innately like! Be uniquely you! Be a trailblazer! Don't worry about other people's opinions! As you will hear Rachel Hollis say, "other people's opinions of you is none of your business."
Which is a great segue to being honest, with yourself and with others. If and when someone asks you if something is okay and it isn't or they ask for your opinion...don't bite your tongue and tell them what they want to hear to save the peace. Be honest and speak the truth in love and with respect. Otherwise, resentment, bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness could start to take root within your heart & soul against yourself and that person. Unsaid words are the sources of some of our biggest regrets.
That first big heartbreak? You will get over him. In fact, you will have your heart broken and trust betrayed many times over but do not build a wall around your heart. Please hear me when I say this - you have value, you are special, and just because some won't see that, it just means they're not the right one for you and you're not the right one for them. You'll kiss some frogs along the way, just be more selective. The 'Right One' will come one day, I promise! Go with, and trust, your gut...which leads me to that time when you unexpectedly stop by and walk in and see a situation that looks suspicious. Don't listen to his lame excuse. Follow your gut because it is correct; just turn, walk out and walk away. This will be a great lesson on not compromising...and learning to see through the smooth talk.
Which leads me to the time when you'll drive almost three hours to see someone and he'll act nonchalant when you arrive, trying to be cool like it's no big deal. Refer to the above paragraph. Say your goodbyes, turn and leave. He's not worth your time. Trust me, in doing so you'll save yourself a lot of hassles...and some tears. (OH, and trying to date a golf pro during the summer? Not a good idea. Don't even waste your time.)
Regardless of what anyone says, "you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." You're going to do and achieve many great things, have many exciting experiences but know your path will not be straight. Embrace the detours, the twists, and the turns. Do not be afraid to fail because your biggest regret will be not trying at all.
On your wedding day, let Nick carry the rings because you won't be able to bear the look on his precious little face when he realizes he wasn't carrying the real ones; and give better directions during the rehearsal because you'll regret letting 'the big day, bridal nerves' takeover by snapping at Gram. Speaking of, enjoy your loved ones and don't try to prepare yourself for the inevitable. That day will come and, no matter how you try to prepare your heart, you'll never be ready to say goodbye.
Which leads me to Bailey. Dogs leave pawprints on our hearts and they teach us so much about unconditional love. There will be a day when she's no longer with you. Enjoy every single moment you can with her. The chores when you get home? They can wait. She's excited to see you the minute you walk through the door, to play with you, and to have your undivided attention so give it to her. Trust me, you won't regret it and you'll cherish those moments. The same could be said about our significant others...life, the 'to do lists,' and the chores can wait. Sometimes you just have to ignore the laundry and other household responsibilities and put each other first. Life will overload and overwhelm you if you let it so make your relationship a priority.
That being said, I have two parting thoughts or gifts per se. First, I'm hesitant to share the above precautionary nuggets of goodness because the trials, disappointments & setbacks you endured, and the decisions & second-guesses you made in the many forks in the road...they all made me who I am today: bruised and imperfect, a student of life's lessons and someone made wiser because of the path we walked. You still have a heart for others. You're renewing your hope & faith daily and you're working to leave the world a better place. We go through what we go through, not for our benefit, but for the benefit of someone else. You see, until you walk in their shoes, you can only sympathize. You have to actually walk it out, to survive and endure 'it' in order to truly empathize and get in the thick of it with someone.
Secondly, from the bottom of my heart, I forgive you. Now, you have to forgive yourself. You may think you are in control but ultimately you defer to God's timing, will, and plan for your life. Regardless of our choices, the minute we relinquish and turn over the reins to Him, He'll be able to get you back on course. His promises do not come with expiration dates, and your 'mistakes' are not bigger than His plans for your life. We're all doing the best we can, in the moment, with the knowledge & heart we have at any given point in time. Granted, I would have liked to have avoided some of life's lessons but I came out okay & stronger because of the path you chose for us to embark upon. I'll touch base with you in another forty plus years...can't wait to see what you do in the meantime. I have a feeling the best is yet to come!
