Birthday Wishes...

Happy Birthday to Me,

Happy Birthday to Me,

Happy Birthday Dear Nicole...

Happy Birthday to Me!

Growing up, my mom made our birthdays a big deal; a day full of celebration, surprises, and an outpouring of love & festivities. I grew up & continued the tradition. The celebration starts on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th) and lasts, as in years past, for the whole month. My birthday itself usually is a day full of pampering, from opening & reading my bday cards while sipping on my free birthday Starbucks coffee, to a massage, mani/pedi, more freebies; all while being basked in love via texts, calls and 'Insta' & Facebook well wishes and concluding with celebratory dinner & drinks with family &/or friends. (This perspective was usually met with misunderstanding and challenge from an ex who grew up differently and with the concept that birthdays were just another day. <GASP!> I know!! I'm sure you can imagine the friction this caused this excitable, Hallmark card sending, Christmas movie watching enthusiast.) 

While I usually anxiously awaited my special day with the excitement of a child counting down to Christmas morning, this year was different. My birthday 'snuck up' on me. I didn't have a day of scheduled appointments, and 'the troops' weren't rallied for an evening of celebratory spirits. The day before, and even the morning of my 'big day,' I struggled. I struggled between 'the tried & true', per se, and breaking the mold of 'bdays past' to embrace a slower pace of 'chilled' nothingness. No Cinco de Mayo kickoff, no birthday outfit, no plans, no appointments, fewer 'freebies'. Leading up to my big day, I even, for a fleeting moment looked at and thought of my birthday as 'just another day.'

I couldn't put my finger on the uncharacteristically lack luster anticipation of the annual acknowledgment of my earthly debut. Then it dawned on me. Life was still so much different than it used to be. There were birthday wishes and prayers that were still unanswered. It was almost like I was subconsciously in denial that, while another candle was added to the cake (and the more there are, the harder this is, hahaha!), and another trip around the sun had occurred, so much remained the same. My marital status hadn't changed, I still did not have a child to mother & love, no furbaby giving me wet kisses, and I still hadn't seen my dreams & aspirations come to fruition. I was sitting in the reality of Proverbs 13:12 that "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I was waiting for the fulfillment.

But then, just like the sunshine breaking through the storm clouds, love broke in. I realized my cup was not half full and that it was not only filled but was overflowing with love & blessings. The messages I received throughout the day made my heart sing & burst. I was reminded of some prayers & truths that were spoken over me this past weekend during a Christian fellowship retreat. Despite what the multiple rejections & disappointments of the past few years would indicate, I remembered I am "more precious than pearls" (Proverbs 3:15-18) and that rejection & closed doors are often God's protection & redirection, and that His timing is perfect.

While some wishes & prayers are still pending, I'm saying new ones in my heart & mind this year as I blow out the candles. I'm adding a glass half full, "polish the headlights & break the rearview mirror" outlook to my mindset, resting in the fact that His timing & plans are perfect. And, while there is still breath in my lungs, God is not done with me yet as Psalm 84:11 gently reminds me, "...no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."

A sweet friend & coworker sent me the following Scripture in his birthday well wishes message to me and it made my day; and I hope it makes yours as well.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)