Compassion...

The following thoughts started flowing after reading today's 'Compassion Means Action' entry in Christine Caine's "Unshakeable" devotional during my quiet time this morning...

In the current craziness, and at times (if we let it), overwhelming uncertainty of all that is going on in the world, I pray that we lead, walk & act out of compassion...for others...and ourselves. Many times we don't realize something needs fixing until it's broken. Rest is easy to ignore until it's 'thrust' upon us, per se. For the most part, trying & difficult times thankfully compels us, out of our compassion, to want to help everyone. But what if, during these emotional, trying & challenging times, we're called to help & serve those in front of us...the ones in our immediate & direct path...you know, our 'tribe', 'squad', 'circle'...our family & friends. I have a running 'to do' list that, due to life's busyness, I haven't been able to get to...unpacking, exercising, adequate sleep, writing thank you notes, writing in general, working my side business, reaching out to & catching up with family & friends, finishing my 2020 vision board, authentic & intentional (versus rushed) devotional/quiet time...and the list goes on and on and on. So, in this 'forced' time of 'social distancing,' rather than allowing aggravation & inconvenience to take hold, I am taking a posture of gratitude for the time to reset, recharge, rest, reassess, & reprioritize. The timing of this all during Lent is interesting. Lent is a time when we allow space of less - less of: us, busyness, have to's, etc. in order to allow for more to come & blossom - more of: God, light, love & compassion. 

Trying times can bring out the best, and unfortunately sometimes, the worst in humanity & ourselves. Just this morning, while scrolling on Facebook, I read both about one friend's car getting stolen from their own driveway and about another's engagement. Polar opposite events, taking place within the same 24-hour span, that evoke polar opposite emotions & responses. I pray that we do not allow what's going on in the world to bring out the worst in us, i.e. fighting in aisles over toilet paper, but rather that we rise to the occasion and let our best, our most compassionate side shine forth & through...of course while washing our hands, covering our cough & staying safe. 

Love...

There's nothing you can do that can't be done
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung
Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game
It's easy
Nothing you can make that can't be made
No one you can save that can't be saved
Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time
It's easy

All you need is love
All you need is love
All you need is love, love
Love is all you need

There's nothing you can know that isn't known
Nothing you can see that isn't shown
There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be
It's easy

All you need is love

(The Beatles/Lennon-McCartney,  1967)

When you slow down & look around, you notice signs all around you. Contemplating a move, I took a trip to do 'research': to explore and, get a feel for & gut check on, my targeted city. I was frustrated that I wasn't getting the neon sign, per se, of clarity & direction that I was seeking & wanted. I did, however, receive the signs I needed. Time and time again, 'love' appeared...in the most unexpected, obvious & subtle ways. 

We are wired to need the love & companionship of others...and actually flourish when received & experienced. That being said, that love does not, and cannot compare with the love of our Heavenly, Almighty Father. God is love - sweet all encompassing, redemptive love. In His gentle, oh so gentlemanly way, He reminded me throughout this trip of His love for me; that the city I was considering is a safe place for my heart & soul to receive healing, fertile ground to see dreams come to fruition, and that love could be experienced, received & walked out there. 

In addition to experiencing God's love, a new love started to take root. As a bud starts to bloom in the sweet spring sun, I felt self-love blossoming. The Bible instructs us in Matthew 22:39 that we are to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. In order to do that, however, you have to first love yourself. On an airplane, in the event of a drop in cabin pressure, we're instructed to first put the oxygen mask on ourselves before others. There is a reason for this - we cannot pour into others when our cup is void & empty...or when we are lacking oxygen.    

In the backdrop of love and writing this post, I feel as though I have come full circle. It has been a little over a year since my last post. Much has happened during the past 12 months. There has been discovery & revelation; loss & gain; death, rebirth & growth; sorrow, pain & heartache; blessing & releasing; change & familiarity; healing & forgiveness; and hope & joy renewed. A year ago, with my last post, a significant chapter of my life was coming to a close...and now with this one, a new chapter & journey are beginning. It is amazing how things & life can change in what feels like a blink of an eye, when in reality it is over the course of a couple months or a year. Enough with the past though; I am looking & moving forward! I am so over the moon hopeful & excited to see what 2020 - a year of new vision, clarity & direction - holds and for what will unfold in the months to come. Hint: my (theme) word for this year is 'MOVE.' I want to move forward on dreams & goals; get moving athletically; be proactive; continue to grow, mature & develop in my faith walk, as a leader, friend, etc.; and my physical address/location could even change as well. A lot is going on in my world...stay tuned. In the meantime, love yourself & others well because, at the end of the day, love is all we need.

One Step at a Time...

Happy New Year and Welcome, 2019! 

As we 'walk' into a new year, while it can be a time of exciting beginnings, dreams, and opportunities...it can also be a time of uncertainty, endings, and the unknown. 

Sometimes, the abundant & daunting weight of endless opportunities is so overwhelming we get a case of 'analysis paralysis' - unable to move forward, towards, and into our destiny and purpose.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, however, sometimes we are in such a hurry to leave the past, with its pain, disappointments, and mistakes, behind us that we embrace & rush down a path we were never meant to follow.

And sometimes, hopefully more times than not, we opt for the path in the middle...where & when we have faith, trust, and hope in the Almighty, the One who has a plan for us, who gives us a peace that surpasses ALL understanding, who is working all things together for us, and who can do exceedingly & abundantly more than we can think or ask, that we are able to rest & lean into the process. 

We can rest because God knows all. His ways are not ours. His timing is perfect. His promises are yes & amen, without expiration, and He is in control. All that is required of us is belief and an obedience to go forth, one step at a time, per se.     

May you walk confidently & boldly into all that God has waiting for you this new year!

Dear Younger Me...

Dear Younger Me...

They say hindsight is 20/20 and I couldn't agree more. Because one never knows how long we have on this earth, I'm writing this to you at what I hope will be the halfway point in and of our lives. In sharing and imparting some words of wisdom and hard taught lessons, I hope I'll be able to spare us some heartache and misguided journeys. 

Harness and pay attention to the creativity you exhibit in your early years. Recognize your love for writing because you'll tap into that passion many years in the future. Remember - you have a voice, your thoughts are valid, and you have a perspective that needs to be shared with the world. Speaking of writing, make the edits and submit your revised essay for the writing contest your Senior year of high school! And, don't disregard playing businesswoman and teacher; when you're trying to figure out "what you want to be when you grow up" many times throughout the course of your life and career, you'll remember those moments and they will serve you well, guiding you like the North Star. 

On the topic of careers, do not compare your inside or your chapter one to someone's outside or chapter twenty - in business, career, or even relationships for that matter. Your purpose and calling are still evolving and unfolding. You've learned a lot along the way, made many mistakes but gleaned some valuable lessons, such as your strengths, passions and what drives you. While you may still have some confusion as to what your second act will look like exactly, you know what you do not want to do with and in life and that, my friend, is half the battle. Enjoy the process, enjoy the journey, and bring value to the world & the lives you touch. Do that and you will be successful & fulfilled. 

You are more insightful than you realize. When you recognized and shared with your mom that you thought your parents should get a divorce, you realized, recognized, and learned that not all relationships are meant to last. While you were one of the few kids you knew who came from a divorced home back then, this gave you a strength and resilience you didn't realize at the time. When you felt different and like you stuck out when you wanted to blend in, take comfort in the fact that different is not wrong; different is just different. Families come in different forms and you were loved beyond measure and that's all that matters.

Be brave in the face of 'that bully' and don't be afraid to walk home. It all turns out okay because bullies appear bigger than they are until you call their bluff...and remember hurt people hurt. 

Which leads me to some pivotal hurts along the way. You'll remember those moments in vivid detail but remember, you did the right thing. You learned to befriend the 'outcasts' and what it felt like to be one...and you'll be better for it. Hurt people hurt and it is better to forgive than to throw the first punch. (And kids will be kids...especially at that age, no one wants to be left out so most are just following the crowd. This will be one of your first lessons in learning to turn the other cheek, despite how much it will hurt at the time. Chalk it up to building resilience, grit, and a c'est la vie thick skin perspective.) 

When faced with the decision of door one or door two, choose door one. The damage will have already been done at that point but you won't second guess yourself when it comes to making decisions going forward. 

You won't realize the magnitude of being the only girl playing kickball but this will be the first of many times when you exhibit your unique strength, which leads me to picking out your varsity jacket and those particular glasses frames - follow your gut, go with what you innately like! Be uniquely you! Be a trailblazer! Don't worry about other people's opinions! As you will hear Rachel Hollis say, "other people's opinions of you is none of your business."

Which is a great segue to being honest, with yourself and with others. If and when someone asks you if something is okay and it isn't or they ask for your opinion...don't bite your tongue and tell them what they want to hear to save the peace. Be honest and speak the truth in love and with respect. Otherwise, resentment, bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness could start to take root within your heart & soul against yourself and that person. Unsaid words are the sources of some of our biggest regrets.

That first big heartbreak? You will get over him. In fact, you will have your heart broken and trust betrayed many times over but do not build a wall around your heart. Please hear me when I say this - you have value, you are special, and just because some won't see that, it just means they're not the right one for you and you're not the right one for them. You'll kiss some frogs along the way, just be more selective. The 'Right One' will come one day, I promise! Go with, and trust, your gut...which leads me to that time when you unexpectedly stop by and walk in and see a situation that looks suspicious. Don't listen to his lame excuse. Follow your gut because it is correct; just turn, walk out and walk away. This will be a great lesson on not compromising...and learning to see through the smooth talk.

Which leads me to the time when you'll drive almost three hours to see someone and he'll act nonchalant when you arrive, trying to be cool like it's no big deal. Refer to the above paragraph. Say your goodbyes, turn and leave. He's not worth your time. Trust me, in doing so you'll save yourself a lot of hassles...and some tears. (OH, and trying to date a golf pro during the summer? Not a good idea. Don't even waste your time.)

Do not, and I repeat, do not get that first credit card. You'll learn your lessons about finances and money the hard way otherwise. Instead, learn to save. Be fiscally responsible and adopt a big picture, future-focused perspective. In doing so, you'll be able to give and support more worthy causes...even forming one yourself down the road.

Regardless of what anyone says, "you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." You're going to do and achieve many great things, have many exciting experiences but know your path will not be straight. Embrace the detours, the twists, and the turns. Do not be afraid to fail because your biggest regret will be not trying at all. 

On your wedding day, let Nick carry the rings because you won't be able to bear the look on his precious little face when he realizes he wasn't carrying the real ones; and give better directions during the rehearsal because you'll regret letting 'the big day, bridal nerves' takeover by snapping at Gram. Speaking of, enjoy your loved ones and don't try to prepare yourself for the inevitable. That day will come and, no matter how you try to prepare your heart, you'll never be ready to say goodbye. 

Which leads me to Bailey. Dogs leave pawprints on our hearts and they teach us so much about unconditional love. There will be a day when she's no longer with you. Enjoy every single moment you can with her. The chores when you get home? They can wait. She's excited to see you the minute you walk through the door, to play with you, and to have your undivided attention so give it to her. Trust me, you won't regret it and you'll cherish those moments. The same could be said about our significant others...life, the 'to do lists,' and the chores can wait. Sometimes you just have to ignore the laundry and other household responsibilities and put each other first. Life will overload and overwhelm you if you let it so make your relationship a priority.     

That being said, I have two parting thoughts or gifts per se. First, I'm hesitant to share the above precautionary nuggets of goodness because the trials, disappointments & setbacks you endured, and the decisions & second-guesses you made in the many forks in the road...they all made me who I am today: bruised and imperfect, a student of life's lessons and someone made wiser because of the path we walked. You still have a heart for others. You're renewing your hope & faith daily and you're working to leave the world a better place. We go through what we go through, not for our benefit, but for the benefit of someone else. You see, until you walk in their shoes, you can only sympathize. You have to actually walk it out, to survive and endure 'it' in order to truly empathize and get in the thick of it with someone. 

Secondly, from the bottom of my heart, I forgive you. Now, you have to forgive yourself. You may think you are in control but ultimately you defer to God's timing, will, and plan for your life. Regardless of our choices, the minute we relinquish and turn over the reins to Him, He'll be able to get you back on course. His promises do not come with expiration dates, and your 'mistakes' are not bigger than His plans for your life. We're all doing the best we can, in the moment, with the knowledge & heart we have at any given point in time. Granted, I would have liked to have avoided some of life's lessons but I came out okay & stronger because of the path you chose for us to embark upon. I'll touch base with you in another forty plus years...can't wait to see what you do in the meantime. I have a feeling the best is yet to come! 























  

Clenched or Open...

A while ago a friend posted on Facebook that during a Sunday message her pastor declared to the congregation that he would meet them where they were but that he loved them too much to leave them there.

In reading her post, what resonated with me was the thought that something was not wanted from them but that more was wanted for them. 

As I typed that, I imagined Jesus kneeling down and looking us in the eyes, gently and lovingly saying this to us as well. Time and time again in the Bible, when someone was asked to 'give up' or release something dear to them, it was replaced with something much more than they could have thought, asked or imagined. This prompted the recollection of a cartoon drawing I once saw of a little girl clinging tightly to a small teddy bear while facing Jesus, who was kneeling down looking her in the eyes while holding a huge teddy bear behind His back. He had his hand outreached as if asking the little girl to hand Him the stuffed animal she was clenching tightly and lovingly to her chest. What she did not realize was that Jesus was asking for her bear so He could exchange it for the much larger one He had behind His back. She just needed to trust Him, and if she did, He would replace what she 'lost' or 'gave up' with something so much better...but all she was aware of in the moment was her impending loss; that she was being asked to relinquish something dear and precious to her.

How many time are we like the little girl, clinging so desperately to what is in front of us and within our reach because we cannot see what is waiting for us beyond our reach? So often we cling to what is before us because it is tangible, familiar and known. That does not mean, however, that our current <fill in the blank>, (i.e. relationship, job, weight, situation, etc.), is God's best or all He has for us, as much as we sometimes trick ourselves into thinking or believing. And, the choice does not always have to be between good or bad; sometimes it is a choice between better and best. It feels cruel when what we view as the 'fitting' solution - a healing from cancer, the intended child to adopt, that great job prospect, or that amazing guy or girl - eludes us. We question, doubt, and even get angry with being denied that one thing we wanted, prayed, and wished for with all of our heart. What I am learning, however, is that despite the heartbreak, the best outcome or answer is not always going to be the one that is obvious to us or the one we desired. For example, when the cancer isn't healed, it is the legacy, influence, and impact of a loved one on and in our and others' lives that is magnified when the loved one is gone. You could say it comes down to the posture you are willing to have or take when faced with the choice between releasing or retaining.

Will your posture be one of clenching, clinging, and gripping intensely to what you have? Or, when faced with the unknown, will you open your heart and hand to all the possibilities of what could be waiting for you around the corner, down the road, and in your future? When your hand and heart is closed, you are unable to receive. There is even a physical difference felt, per se, between the two positions. Don't believe me? Hold out your hand and form a fist, clenching it tightly. Now, open your hand and release all the tension. Feel the difference? You can even feel it in your heart as well. 

God desires the best for us, just as we desire the best for our children, family, friends, and for ourselves. We just need to trust and be open and willing to trade or exchange our will, plan and known for His will, plan and that which is yet to be revealed. So, what stance will you take with your life and your heart, even when you do not or cannot see what is waiting for you? Will you clench to hold tight or will you be open to receive? 

 

What If...

What if...fears, obstacles, detours, and setbacks were there, not to hold you back but to propel you forward; guiding and redirecting your steps to the path you were meant to follow? 

Think of the butterfly...a caterpillar that emerges from its cocoon via struggle, needed perseverance, and determination. In doing so, it strengthens its wings for flight, re-entering the world with all of its unique beauty and grace. Now think of a runner or athlete who puts in long hours training, enduring sweat and pain to arrive at their designated event stronger and more capable than they first started out, and sometimes than they even imagined possible.

What if...you decided to look at the mountains set before you instead as molehills, per se? Rome was not built in a day and victory is achieved one step at a time. Anything worth having is much sweeter when achieved, attained, and accomplished through and after overcoming. So, refocus your lens, adjust your perspective, and start thinking of all the possibilities, experiences, and dreams ahead of you by asking yourself those two little words..."What if...?!?!" 














Photo by Parker Amstutz on Unsplash

Bandwidth and Grace...

It has been, (cue air quotes), "awhile," (cough, February, cough), since I last posted but that does not mean I have not written. In fact, I wrote and have had five blog posts in the queue since early of April. Heck, I even wrote a post for my husband and our anniversary, which is this month (June), in late April. The writing is not the problem...the challenge is finding the "time" (cue more air quotes) to bring those ideas to fruition. Or more specifically and accurately, the bandwidth - the mental capacity - to sit down and 'make it happen'...or some days, make anything happen. The ideas flow easy. The dreams fun to form. The successful outcomes of the goals amazing to imagine. It is when the rubber hits the pavement and the time has come to 'put up or shut up,' however, that the 'going gets tough' and the brick wall seemingly appears out of nowhere resulting in arms flinging (or flailing, depending on the day) into the air in desperate and overwhelming exasperation and surrender. 

Have you ever felt so stretched to your limit? To the point of almost breaking, where something has to give or you will? I heard the following phrase, (my apologies - I cannot remember the source...perhaps Brene' Brown?!?), and it seemed to shed light on my recent mental whirlwind haze that I can only describe as walking through quicksand while riding a bike and playing an instrument during a tornado. Seriously, when I read the following eight 'simple' words, I thought I saw the skies open, sunbeams shine down from above, and heard birds chirping a melodic tune...you know, those times when a lightbulb appears above cartoon characters when they have a bright idea or something FINALLY clicks?       

"Operate from a place of abundance, not depletion."

Whoa! That phrase really resonated with me because of my recent internal struggle with bandwidth. As much as I want to deny or defy, per se, the 47 candles on my recent birthday cake, something has shifted in my mental capacity to do more and keep up with an insane, neck-breaking pace. Recently, I sometimes feel as if I broke my brain or overused its capacity. (I am not trying to say or imply I am a big brainiac or anything...instead, imagine plugging too many plugs into an outlet via extension cords...some circuits just are not made to overload.) It is as if my mind is waving the white flag of surrender and saying "Enough is enough. No more multi-tasking, over productivity, burning the candle at both ends, and pushing, going & doing." I used to be able to go, go and do. Now, just like a frozen computer or lagging cellphone, it is time for a reboot to operate at an optimal level and speed going forward.  

This is where that phrase came in and why it so intensely took to my soul. We go and go and go until we can go no more...and then we turn around and squeeze out just a little more. A dried up turnip? Not here. We put the Energizer Bunny to shame. But at what cost? What good can our exhaustive plan of attack produce? Are we our best selves? Are we truly in touch with all of our connections? Are we really building memories? Are we truly leaving things better than we found them? Are we loving others and ourselves well? Is there ever, really, truly, any realistic hope or chance of us being anywhere near as productive as our Mount Rushmore-esque 'to-do lists' indicate or suggest? This past Thursday by 2:30 pm alone, I read or heard comments from three friends who communicated being on similar overwhelming paths filled with unrealistic expectations either self-imposed or thrust upon them.  They all realized that a change in attitude was necessary or an inevitable 'crash and burn' would result, and they would be the unfortunate but avoidable casualty. 

We all questioned why ...and we all knew our current speed of light pace was neither right nor sustainable. Something had to give or we unfortunately would.

That is when grace came in. You know how when you look and look for something yet it continues to elude you...only to find it, right in front of you, once you stop darting to and fro in a frenzied search? That is how grace gently tapped me on the shoulder last Tuesday. It was as if I received a precious sneak preview of the answer before I realized I was given the test. That morning multiple devotional readings centered around grace, that free and unmerited favor bestowed through the gift of blessings. What if we offered ourselves some slack or grace? What if we embraced the moment for what it was - the present we will never get back. Tomorrow is not guaranteed so we sure as better enjoy today for all its worth.

In response to one of my above-mentioned friends, I offered that, with so much access, so many opinions, so many options, so much to do, so much 'noise' to distract us, what we really need is less...a little less stretching of our bandwidth (whether it is to prove to ourselves or others what we can do, accomplish, become, or squeeze into a mere 24 hour day)...and a little more grace with each other, and most certainly and especially, with ourselves. Don't worry, the to-do list, chores, and errands will be there tomorrow; you or those dear relationships may not.