A Planted Seed...

"For such a time as this..." (Esther 4:14)

So I did a thing... I just launched my 'biz dev' consultancy, N2B Consulting. To some, this may seem as an overnight & impulsive leap. The seed for this venture, however, was actually planted a little over four years ago in August 2019. I paid a consultant to build & write the copy for my website, I purchased my domain, and was ready to flip the switch, per se. Then two months later my personal life took a detour and I had to regroup & redirect my focus during that season. But God. In His infinite wisdom, He planted the seed and then continued to water & nourish the ground, making it fertile for what was to spring forth & sprout years later. Similar to David, Joseph, Moses and Abraham, I received the dream & promise but then went through a pruning process to produce the fruit. I honed & built my professional toolbox & skills, I gleaned invaluable entrepreneurial insight from some amazing 'boss babes' (and guys), but perhaps most importantly, I grew in character as God purified & prepared me for what was to come. And like David, Joseph, Moses and Abraham, I also had some 'wilderness' moments of time, trials & testing. Just as a planted seed has to germinate & needs time to grow, over the past thirty years, I've built a resume of which I'm proud. There have been twists & turns, highs & lows, but sitting where I am now, I see how God was redirecting my steps and closing doors to open new, amazing ones all along. Growth sometimes feels like a never-ending process, but then at other times, it's as if sprouts appear before your very eyes. I've experienced a couple 'warp speed' periods in my life...that's how & when I know it's God. He is after all, the God of 'suddenlys'; He can take you from waiting for something to walking in its fruition almost instantly. When this happens, you've hit the divine moment in time when God's perfect plan, time & will intersect. The moment when the seed's cracking produces the most beautiful blossom.

Like a garden, where a seed is planted in one season but does not bloom until one to two seasons later, the growth of my consultancy was happening 'underground' and now I'm happy to say, it's harvest season.

Breakthrough...

 

A breakthrough requires a break in what was or is. Sometimes, it is just a sliver of hope; other times it can be as wide & vast as the Grand Canyon. Whichever it is, a requisite is the willingness to open & release your grip on a mindset of how you think, perceive, or wished something to be, and in exchange, embrace a new...outlook, way of doing, responding, or thinking. To let go of the known & comfortable, to embrace the unknown & sometimes scary. 

To set sail in a new direction, with fresh eyes & a heart yielded to all the possibilities...

In doing so, growth occurs. Just like a seed that breaks below the surface to allow life to sprout forth. Breakthrough, whether met with euphoric awe & wonder or emphatic apprehension, leads to unchartered waters worth leaving the shore for.

Set sail and enjoy the journey; there will be waves, clouds & storms, per se, but the sunshine will breakthrough and the resulting rainbows will be breathtaking and well worth it. 

Birthday Wishes...

Happy Birthday to Me,

Happy Birthday to Me,

Happy Birthday Dear Nicole...

Happy Birthday to Me!

Growing up, my mom made our birthdays a big deal; a day full of celebration, surprises, and an outpouring of love & festivities. I grew up & continued the tradition. The celebration starts on Cinco de Mayo (May 5th) and lasts, as in years past, for the whole month. My birthday itself usually is a day full of pampering, from opening & reading my bday cards while sipping on my free birthday Starbucks coffee, to a massage, mani/pedi, more freebies; all while being basked in love via texts, calls and 'Insta' & Facebook well wishes and concluding with celebratory dinner & drinks with family &/or friends. (This perspective was usually met with misunderstanding and challenge from an ex who grew up differently and with the concept that birthdays were just another day. <GASP!> I know!! I'm sure you can imagine the friction this caused this excitable, Hallmark card sending, Christmas movie watching enthusiast.) 

While I usually anxiously awaited my special day with the excitement of a child counting down to Christmas morning, this year was different. My birthday 'snuck up' on me. I didn't have a day of scheduled appointments, and 'the troops' weren't rallied for an evening of celebratory spirits. The day before, and even the morning of my 'big day,' I struggled. I struggled between 'the tried & true', per se, and breaking the mold of 'bdays past' to embrace a slower pace of 'chilled' nothingness. No Cinco de Mayo kickoff, no birthday outfit, no plans, no appointments, fewer 'freebies'. Leading up to my big day, I even, for a fleeting moment looked at and thought of my birthday as 'just another day.'

I couldn't put my finger on the uncharacteristically lack luster anticipation of the annual acknowledgment of my earthly debut. Then it dawned on me. Life was still so much different than it used to be. There were birthday wishes and prayers that were still unanswered. It was almost like I was subconsciously in denial that, while another candle was added to the cake (and the more there are, the harder this is, hahaha!), and another trip around the sun had occurred, so much remained the same. My marital status hadn't changed, I still did not have a child to mother & love, no furbaby giving me wet kisses, and I still hadn't seen my dreams & aspirations come to fruition. I was sitting in the reality of Proverbs 13:12 that "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." I was waiting for the fulfillment.

But then, just like the sunshine breaking through the storm clouds, love broke in. I realized my cup was not half full and that it was not only filled but was overflowing with love & blessings. The messages I received throughout the day made my heart sing & burst. I was reminded of some prayers & truths that were spoken over me this past weekend during a Christian fellowship retreat. Despite what the multiple rejections & disappointments of the past few years would indicate, I remembered I am "more precious than pearls" (Proverbs 3:15-18) and that rejection & closed doors are often God's protection & redirection, and that His timing is perfect.

While some wishes & prayers are still pending, I'm saying new ones in my heart & mind this year as I blow out the candles. I'm adding a glass half full, "polish the headlights & break the rearview mirror" outlook to my mindset, resting in the fact that His timing & plans are perfect. And, while there is still breath in my lungs, God is not done with me yet as Psalm 84:11 gently reminds me, "...no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly."

A sweet friend & coworker sent me the following Scripture in his birthday well wishes message to me and it made my day; and I hope it makes yours as well.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4)

Clarity...

I am near-sighted, meaning I can see things up close fine but things far away are blurry. As a result, I wear glasses to help me see better and bring things into focus.

Light also helps bring things into focus, many times providing a different perspective. As a child, how many times did you think you saw a monster as soon as your bedroom light was turned off at bedtime? When the light was turned on, however, you discovered the 'monster' was just a lifeless object or shadow instilling fear. Light casts out darkness & fear.

Like many, I was so hopefully for 2020 and all it would bring. I thought, the year like 20/20 a.k.a. perfect vision, was surely a sign, per se, for the clarity & insight I would receive & experience this year. 

With COVID-19, recent tragic, heartbreaking, senseless and racially inspired deaths & events, and building tensions throughout our nation, things are being brought out of the darkness and into the light. This is the only way & place healing can occur. Conversations are being had and learning is taking place. Coronavirus-induced quarantine was the lens that revealed our busyness and, in some areas and cases, distorted priorities. The video of George Floyd's murder was the lens that exposed racism that the black community has been all too aware of and endured for generations & centuries. 

The blinders are off and a clarity has been brought to an evil darkness that has plagued our nation, communities, schools, businesses, and judicial system for far too long. The lens has changed for many. We have seen a vision that will not be forgotten. The view is clear and things have come into focus. The rose-colored glasses are off. During a recent sermon, Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church said "Just because I don't experience it (racism), that doesn't mean it doesn't exist." 

I remember when I got my first pair of glasses. I told my mom things in the distance were blurry but since she didn't have my perspective, she thought I was just saying that to get glasses because some of my friends had glasses. She didn't have my vantage point so she did not think the problem was real, despite me telling her I could not see the blackboard in school. She relented and took me to the doctor to have my eyesight checked...and felt horrible when I was prescribed glasses and instructed to pick out frames.

In the Bible, as long as Peter kept his eyes on Jesus he was able to walk on water, however the moment he got distracted & looked elsewhere, he began to sink (Matthew 14:28-31). Sight & focus determine your direction. Glasses, light, and videos all bring clarity to blindness & darkness. 

Running Your Race...

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." (Hebrews 12:1 NIV)

Hebrews 12:1 is currently one of the motivating Scriptures that has kept me focused and going these past couple of months, actually past year. I get inspiration for posts during my quiet, devotional time or while running...and this post is no different; it came together tonight during my run in honor of Global Running Day.

We all have a race to run, our own personal mountain to move, challenge to overcome, or calling to fulfill. Running a race has its stages, per se, just like life with its new chapters, new relationships, new jobs, beginnings and ends.

Whenever I run a race, I start out with nervous energy and adrenaline pumping. This is good because it usually distracts my mind from focusing on the challenge ahead of me, and questioning what I did in the first place by signing up. My training only carries me so far, depending on how much and how long I trained so I count on this nervous adrenaline to fuel me for a couple miles. Then I calculate and count on energy gel packs to fuel a few more miles. I then rely on a surge of accomplishment and pride (in a good, healthy dose), coupled with my remaining reserve (or fumes) of energy, to take me across the finish line. 

It is on the race course, however, that perseverance is needed. What I say to myself during the race determines how I will finish. There are times where I've felt like I just cannot go on, run another mile, or complete another obstacle...but then, I see the mile markers and I start doing the math in my head and I realize I am closer to the end than I am to the beginning. Or I hear the motivational cheers of people, complete strangers along the course shouting words of encouragement to runners out of sheer support, which absolutely warms my heart and usually brings tears to the verge of falling & blending in with my sweat. I strategically choose my playlist as yet another distraction for the pain my feet feel, the ache in my back, or the regret for not training more. This is when I realize where I focus is where I go; if I tell myself I do not think I can finish or complete an obstacle, I won't; if I tell myself positive affirmations and remind myself that "I am more than a conqueror" (Romans 8:37 NIV), that "I am fearfully & wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14 NIV), and I got this, I turn up the music in my ears and I keep going. 

But what do you do when there are no distractions to keep you from being overwhelmed by the task at hand, the challenge before you? When I participated in my first Camp Gladiator Stadium Takeover, I rolled my ankle at the very first obstacle station. I had a choice - stop there or keep going. So, I pushed through the pain; again thankful for adrenaline! During the last Cap10K race I participated in, as I reached the sixth and last mile, I accidentally spilled energy drink into my iPod. The music stopped and I had to run the final mile with only the thoughts and noise in my head.

Sometimes our race is a solo endeavor and sometimes we are called to run along side others in support & solidarity. We don't have to have the same fitness level, same muscle tone or have trained the same to be able to run along side someone and let them know that they & their race are more important to us than our own agenda, and that we'll reach the finish line together, encouraging each other along the way. 

Sometimes, we have more than medals & bibs to remind us of our race. Sometimes there are scars from falls, injuries to muscles, tendons or ligaments that we have to nurse back to health, slowly but surely, and sometimes enduring painful therapy in the process. I am in the best shape of my life but I also have more scars now than I did six years ago when my journey to being physically fit began. The scar on my knee is from when I tripped & fell during a Spartan race. The scar on my right hand is when I fell off a treadmill (don't ask, long story...the stop button didn't work when I needed it to...word of advice, don't run until you're about to fall to hit the stop button). 

In this race called life, not all our scars are visible from the outside. My divorce last year left a scar on my heart that has taken time & 'therapy' to heal. The body is an amazing thing and many times the injured body part ends up being stronger than ever, sometimes even more than before the injury was incurred. Yes, running your race builds endurance, stamina and perseverance. Sometimes you've trained and you're ready for the 'big day' and sometimes life happens and you just didn't train or prepare as you hoped or planned. But you show up, you push through, and you run your race in a way only you can, persevering through the pain & discomfort. You overcome and when you do, when you cross the finish line, you may have some scrapes & bruises but you also walk away with an accomplishment no one can ever take away from you. As I type that, I think back to my Spartan Beast obstacle race and 2015 when I completed a Spartan Trifecta. After all the races, I looked like someone beat the crap out of me with a baseball bat and it took a couple Aleve tablets and a long Epsom salt bath to make me feel human again but I would not trade the pain for anything in the world. I know what I am capable of, and am grateful beyond measure for what my body can do and endure, and I am a stronger person because of the experience. 

So, go run your race. You'll survive the trips & falls, the aches & pains, and when you cross the finish line, you won't remember the struggle as much as you will the satisfaction of what you just accomplished. You got this and I am cheering you on!!!   

Life's Inevitable...

"Hello, my name is Nicole and I want to be vulnerable & sincere; to live life to the fullest while I am here; to be in the moment & intentional while being authentic, raw & real."

I wrote those words in my journal this morning after a rich devotional & quiet time with the Lord, and after processing a short video I had just watched. In the video, the curator said we are not special, we are unique in that we will all go through pain because that is life; it is just a matter of when, not if, and in what form (i.e. death, disease, divorce, dealing with a loved one's addiction, etc.). How we deal and respond to that pain, however, varies from person to person and is determined by our unique makeup & wiring.

"Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth." I want to walk out Mark Twain's directive because his wise words feel 'safe' & courageous; like a shield against all the negative life throws at us. Unfortunately, this 'utopic' perspective is not conducive to growth. For it is in and through pain & loss that we gain the ability to recognize and experience pleasure & love. Both sides of the coin are inevitable in life and it takes both for true growth & evolution to occur.

When I was learning to snow ski, I remember hearing "If you're not falling down, you're not learning to ski." How true! The same could be said for life. It is through the bumps & bruises, aches & pains, sweat & tears, struggle & effort that an athlete develops strength & muscle memory, children are born, butterflies emerge from the cocoon, and a seedling sprouts up through the dirt to bloom. 

Nature's truest example of beauty out of the muck is the lotus flower. After blooming from muddy & cloudy water, the flower emerges beautifully pristine. It is often what we learn in the process of walking out the pain & darkness of life that brings the beauty & light. 

Knowing life & death are inevitable, rather than burying our head in the sand or running for the hills in avoidance, imagine if we instead embraced acceptance of that which we cannot control or change? What if we asked ourselves what could be learned during the process, in the meantime, and in the midst? In typing those words, the Serenity Prayer comes to mind..."Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." Think how the learning curve could be shortened and 're-do's' skipped because, as I have learned and experienced, we continue to get 'the lesson' until we pass 'the test.'

We never 'arrive' in & on this journey called life. There is evolution in intentionally showing up, being present and embracing, per se, the unexpected & the often-desired avoidable. Sorrow & loss are as much a part of life's mosaic as are joy & gain. Growth never - if rarely - happens in the status quo. It is when we can release our grip of resistance & control that resilience & compassion emerge. 

I received a beautiful, colorful birthday bouquet of flowers today from a dear, lifelong friend. This sweet surprise brought an unexpected burst of joy to my heart and smile to my face. I know in a couple days the flowers will die. That is a fact I cannot avoid, deny or change, however, what will remain is the memory of her kind & thoughtful gesture, and the joy I received while the blooms were alive & fragrant. Polar opposites yet one does not exist without the other. So, lean into the pain and embrace the unknown, the unfolded and the unwritten of what is unseen and is to come. It is here, in this space of grace, grit & uncertainty, of pressing in but not being shaken by the uncomfortable & inevitable ups & downs of this roller coaster ride we call life, that we are truly alive and true transformation takes place.   

 

Masks...

For the past couple of months, masks have been and are being worn as a preventive measure against the spread of the coronavirus. They especially keep healthcare workers, front line workers and those with compromised immune systems as well as the general public safer and the spread of the contagious disease to a minimum.

However, it hit me the other day, long before the world-wide pandemic became an everyday topic, many of us were already wearing figurative masks. 'Masks' to help us feel as if we are enough but in reality provide nothing more than a false sense of confidence & security and are just safety & defensive measures; airs we don to hide our guilt, shame, insecurities, lack, deficiencies, past & failures. Because, we fear, if people saw the 'real' us - flaws, failures & all - they might not like what they see. We deem it best and 'safer' to keep up the impression & appearance that we have it all together...at least while we are in public.

I believe this is the appeal of masquerade balls, when & where we can take on a persona different than our own, real selves. If just for a short time, we have an air of mystery and can be someone other than our true selves.

Superheroes wear masks to hide and keep secret their real identities. Isn't this what we do everyday, trying to be the perfect...parent, spouse, employee, boss, son or daughter, friend, etc. After a while, however, the mask originally worn for 'protection' becomes cumbersome and uncomfortable; heavy with the weight of keeping up the façade, day in and day out. 

What if, however, we take off our mask and take a long, honest look in the mirror and accepted our perceived 'imperfections' as our superpowers rather than faults? By doing so, we allow, encourage & inspire others that it is okay to take off their masks, per se, as well to reveal, show & share their true identity, in all of its natural beauty & grace; flaws, scars & all.

So, be careful which 'mask' you put on & wear in public. The world needs the real you to shine forth & through.